My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

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Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Please, be with us...

The distance I walked, was nothing less than a world record for me. Can’t believe that, the me who always lived my life for others; the way they wanted, today has started a journey of my own… In quest of the long-lost happiness and joy, that this life could bestow on me. Today, I stepped out of my past to build a new future. A hope filled, promising future.

I know, the journey ahead is not going to be easy. With the tag of being someone’s wife still choking me, the number of fingers pointing at me have only increased with every passing day. Thru every night that I cried my heart out, I could feel the warmth of a hug and a soft voice that said, “Mamma, don’t worry, I am with you. You are not doing anything wrong. You should only need to be happy and need not adjust for other’s happiness.”

Those weren’t words I wanted to hear from my son. Those were words, I wanted to hear from my family. Forget the world, but I wished if my father, my mother or atleast my brother; even once said those words to me, atleast to comfort me, calm me, console me. They didn’t. Instead, they kept pointing out the fact that society doesnot work this way and being a female, I am expected to adjust and compromise… not this much but even more. Today, tomorrow and even for all the days that I might witness.

Their inability to understand me didn’t hurt as much as their hostility in handling my depressed heart. The harsh words poked me. The insults killed me. The emotional blackmails squeezed me. I had two options. Give up on the hope to be happy and live as I did all these years…Or to take all the pain and then make them my strength to seek my happiness.

Today, I finally walked out. It was not just out of a house. It was out of a system, a society, a life, a family. I walked out of everything that had crushed me and my hopes to live… I have a big responsibility ahead of me, my son. I will not let him down. I was his super hero Mom always. I had to be strong. But ask me, if I am strong enough to go thru the past days again, I will run away… Can’t even imagine, how I had the courage to do what I did. To stand up for myself.

But hereon, what and how, I don’t know? But, I finally stood up for myself. I have unbelievably marked the start of this journey and may the almighty guide me thru to the safe, comforting shelter of his love and peace…. Praying that his presence be with me and my son…


Please, be with us…

Friday, November 10, 2017

Moving on...

Around me, moments seemed to drift away…
I knew, my life was all set to tear me apart…
The wet eyelids and clinching lips tried to tie up,
The pain, that has overflowed all the way up…

Nothing will be the same as before, but…
Was it my wish to have them as before…?
Nothing will stop the need for this change, but…
Have they ever seen this need before…?

Neither they saw it yesterday, nor today…
Neither will they see it tomorrow….
For there, ends the hope to see that day,
When my own heart beats will see my sorrow.