Blessed am I...

I hated studying…rather going to school…waking up early, getting ready etc…It was torture… Forget the torture at school; even at home studying never left me at peace…The regular RingTone I heard home was… “SIT AND STUDY…SIT AND STUDY”... Felt mom had nothing else to say other than repeating this one phrase… “SIT AND STUDY”…

Inspite of hatred for studies, I somehow could be among the “good” student list. Though, my parents had loads of plans on my future, fate didn’t support them. It had other plans and destiny took me off their wishes… Was it for good or bad. I don’t know. Maybe I would never have been a good doctor (as they wished) or a good pilot (as I wished). That’s the best way to not regret on what didn’t happen. 

With years, I started feeling the excitement of studying and getting good marks and a bit proud on the “awe” it created in others around me when they see my exam results. Anyways, by then, life had taken unfavourable turn and I had to take a stand on whether to go ahead studying or not… I still remember that evening… in the hall room of my home, sitting on the floor with some very close family members… The BIG question on what next. A gold medal in graduation was a great achievement, hence expectations were high for people around me… On what I WOULD or rather I SHOULD do next… Suggestions kept pouring…But, I took a call…

“NO, I am not going for higher studies. I am going to find a job and that is what is most appropriate at this point for everybody’s good.”

It was not a sacrificial thought, but a heartfelt wish to support my dad during his tough days. My aunt who always understood why and how I behave, got the meaning. She announced, the discussion to be put to an end. And it did…for ever…Life showed still more faces and phases. Challenges and hardships kept crossing paths as I struggled from one career to another. But then, as maturity started growing in, the disappointment of not studying further too grew in. I don’t regret my decision, but yes, I earnestly wish quite often, if I could or could have studied further…Today, even after years of leaving my college, I still keep wishing if I could get on with my higher studies.

Recently, someone asked me. “Why don’t I go for further studies”. He perfectly knew, why didn’t I. But, the problem was that he was not ready to accept my reason. From the very next day, he started torturing me on this subject…He’s getting smarter by the day in torturing me to re-start my studies and me the smartest in finding excuses to not do it… (OK, my excuses are genuine…but…) ...Lol, I feel like a child again with my mom on my head screaming, "STUDY, STUDY, STUDY...."

So… My Dear Friend, I know, you care for me and my future. You would really like to see me stepping high ladders in my career. I do appreciate your efforts and offers to just put me into a regime…But… what to do…I feel that this is not the right time, for me to take up a new responsibility. I agree that you are right when you say ‘Everything will work out if I start…’ But, firstly…

Let me sit…to watch the sun set glow…

Let me rest…to breath some calm air flow…

Let me walk…to feel the world behind me…

Let me find some ME time just to be me…

Then, dear friend, can I get myself set…

For new and fresh heights to climb…

To conquer challenges that come past me…

To cherish and grow up to the dreams I wish…

Then, dear friend, I will come to you…

To heed an ear to your big big plans…

To respect your spirit to see me grow…

Blessed am I, for the path you show...